Allowed only to talk when relating to what the other is saying. Whilst it is wonderful to be a good listener, you deserve to be listened to also. Give and take, right?
Great friends will listen and ask about you but there are those that only seem to want to talk about themselves and if you try to speak about something they interrupt you and relate it back to them or worse talk over you and carry on with their own rambles.
It is jolly good manners to both talk and listen in a conversation, it is a two way street. It shows you care and are interested in that person.
Maybe you are the one that dominates the conversation and maybe you are not aware of it. So how do you tell if you are indeed talking too much...
After the conversation..ask yourself...what did you find out about that person??? If you are struggling to think of anything, BINGO you talk too much...but that doesn't mean you're a bad person...there are many reasons why you may do it.
Maybe you don't feel heard in life. Were you ignored as a child? Are there feelings of insecurity? Maybe you are lonely. Maybe you don't see others that much so have a lot just bottled up. Alternatively maybe you are very busy and so feel you have a small window to get it all out? Perhaps you are uncomfortable with silences so try talk to avoid awkwardness.
Sadly though, listening to someones long winded accounts etc can be super draining to the one listening and they usually find a way after a while to avoid conversation with you altogether, or if they are very polite and like you regardless they will just make their exit after a while of listening to you. It isn't easy to listen to someone rambling on and going off in all kinds of tangents. there is only so much faking interest a person can do.
You can change this!
Start asking the other person questions and challenge yourself to not interrupt, having that awareness to stay quiet and take in what that person is telling you.
You'll get to know your friend better and show you really care.
If you are the one doing all the listening, maybe ask the person directly if it is ok if you talk for a moment to tell them something and give them a chance to listen to you and if they interrupt, ask politely if you can finish etc, closer friends can be more direct whilst still being polite.
When someone asks you "how are you?" respond in a short and concise way and then return the question and listen, what a difference that would make.
You have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason :)
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3 comments:
Nice post. It's funny I always end up being the one listening. I hate to interrupt people so I tend not too at all. It's different online of course but in person most people would describe me as quiet/shy/aloof, what have you. I don't really mind it though. I do notice the the majority of people prefer to talk rather than listen.
hey Lux...I am also the one listening..I don't mind so much with the intelligent friends but the non sensical ramblings can get very tedious. We all love to talk though so it should be give and take.
Well he would go and say something evolved and conscious like that, wouldn't he, the show off!! :) if only I could shut my mouth more, working on it
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